Sharing this, just 'cause it is TOTALLY a Giles-Scoobie conversation (dunno if it'd be Xander or Buffy, or POSSIBLY Oz if he were being really sarcastic--OZISLOVE), or possibly Chris-Tamara, because... well, I can see it happening.

British professor: I was walking around Oxford one day and I heard these two young lads, couldn't have been more than eight, say "bitches and hoes."
Student: Could you please say that phrase again?
British professor: ... No.

I loves my British.  Hmm. Junior year is definitely happening. Absolutely. I won't let it not happen. Maybe I'll just do five year Masters so I can have four years at my lovely MIT and still spend my junior year traipsing about the wilds of Cambridge, UK.

...Hi. This is your random, "Yes, I live" update. After my minor nervous breakdown of yesterday, I thought I'd put it up.

Now I just need to write a paper in about two hours, email it, be like "...Ooops, sorry, it's right here, forgot!" and go make a flashlight. Cool, huh?

EDIT: While we're at it, because I always forget to mention this: I keep seeing postings for "The Hush Sound," some band or other, on various communities and stuff. My reaction, EVERY TIME: ..."WTF? The Hush Sound? That would be... silence. No one could talk in Hush! ....Dammit, Buffy!"

I... REALLY wish I had had an opportunity to use this with SotE!Cinaed. Seriously. This would have been the FUNNIEST thing for him to say.  Just because A) he would, B) he would and be reprimanded for his choice of words by both his wife and son, C) he would and be rather pleased with himself, and D) OH MY GOD IT IS THE FUNNIEST THING EVER.

Okay, so I was reading a Regency fic, and there's a general who has restrained himself from giving an evil, scheming woman his opinion of her.  SotE!Cinaed's version of said opinion, assuming he's talking to some court viperess, which he would have given immediately:

"My lord? You seem pensive."
"I was contemplating the sheer disparity in station between yourself and some of the poor women I have known."
"Oh? *Pleased*"
"Do you know, there are women in this world who are forced to sell their bodies for others' pleasure, who have not grown up with half your clothing, education, or talents.  One wonders if they could have found another means of surviving."
"*Look of disbelief and some confusion* I don't quite--"
"*Snorts, with that special, Kaleaster-y sneer of complete derision--you all should know it, Altran probably uses it the most, although Tyroshaun uses it when in a bad mood* As I said, I was contemplating the disparity in station between you. You could not aspire to match them even in the privacy of your own, conceited mind."

...I love him. Really. He's INSANE and impolitic and really bitchy, but man Cinaed is fun to write when he's being evil. *Cackles* I'd love to see him set someone down. Just... 'cause. Yes, I read regency and somehow end up picturing Cinaed being restrained by Kaimana from strangling half the population. It amuses me.

...Cinaed makes my life. Really. My not-bookworm.

 EDIT: Because the translation is even more hilarious, I'll go ahead and supply the seemingly-random, more real-world-ish version of the above set down. "I rather like prostitutes.  They've got a code of honor.  *Beat* You couldn't hope to rise to their level if hell froze over."

That was the original phrasing. Slash the un-prettified way of putting it. I repeat, I LOVE THAT MAN. *Glomps him and his acerbic tongue*

So... I'm really depressed. Three possible reasons for this:

1) I actually took my meds for a couple days, and then didn't today. And as a result my nervous system got shot to hell.
2) I'm three days behind in my personal schedule and too tired to fix it.
3) I haven't dealt with my personal life that needs serious attention due to work. But... life always takes second place to working nowadays. Apparently.

But... a couple of songs just depressed me so much I started crying again. This is a bad sign.  Here's one.

 
Yeah. That. *Sighs* Also "The Freshman," but mostly the lines "For the life of me, I cannot remember/What made us think that we were wise and would never compromise/For the life of me I cannot believe we'd die for our sins/We were merely freshmen." Just... they sound like something he'd say, yeah?

Yeah.  Depressed me. Also, that on top of a pretty rendition a capella of My Immortal is enough to basically shatter my sanity. And cry.

I need something stupid and happy and unemotionally baggaged right now. Badly. ...Except music by nature is emotionally baggaged now.  Fuck it. *Curls up with lobsterplushie and listens to MIT a capella groups* 

EDIT:

This is another of them.


I have very predictable tastes. Obviously. 

EDIT: Continuing my predictable tastes...


I also like the guy singing this one. Niiice voice. Little accent, says chance "chahnce." Veeery nice. 

Final edit:

Upon yet another listen... I felt "The Freshman" deserved to be on here. Or maybe that was the voice in the back of my head singing along softly and rather sadly.

 

...Yeah. I always start crying during this song.

Really sorry for the spamming today, but I'm... having a breakdown and thus chattering.

But I have a brand new song for you all. *Giggles* I LOVE THEM.

*Bows* Not mine, but... a good fit for me, no? *Grin*

 My new favorite list:

http://angevin2.livejournal.com/148520.html
http://angevin2.livejournal.com/151336.html

*Cackles*

Except so, so true. Especially about Hamlet's speech. SERIOUSLY.  It should MOVE, people, he's losing his mind, he's frantic, and he's being poetic but he's slowly breaking down...

Or maybe I'm influenced by my internal vision of how he'd be portrayed. -_-. But that's how I see it.

Hee. That list WINS.

Thing happened in my life. Slash things didn't, and I thought I'd be able to piece my life back together after the fucking paper was in. Hah.

To do May 1, necessary before sleeping:
- Astronomy homework, all fourthreetwo parts of it. Fuck it.
- Finish Imag Word layout with files from Meems.
- Study math.

To do May 1 if possible:
- Start/write English paper on PMS (Post-Modernist Shit).
- Start/write reflection for physics.
- Write a page, two if possible.

To do May 2 before school, necessary:
- Study math
- Go in early, finalize Imag.

To do May 2 before school if possible:
- Start/write paper on PMS.
- Start/write for physics.
- Write a page or two.

To do May 2 by 8th period:
- Write paper on PMS.
- Write for physics.

To do May 2nd by the time I sleep:
- have written at least two pages from what I have so far.
- Not die.

After that, I may breathe. And deal with life, social life, psychological health, and writing.  Lots of writing, worldbuilding, etc. LOTS of worldbuilding. I need to figure out the years on this planet of mine, so that I can figure out A) how "old" the characters are and B) ...uh... what the seasons are. 'Cause... binary star system.  I REALLY want there to be a winter, though.

I'd prefer more winter to more summer. But.

In good news, the ROCKERFELLER GRANDCHILDREN are fighting Exxon to move to renewable resources. HAH! ONE FOR THE ENVIRONMENT!

EDIT: And while I have not actually managed to get anything done on astronomy since getting home, I am ALMOST done with Imag--but have made more work, idiot that I am--and have started the powerpoint for my ISP. Which... almost counts as writing. Depending on how far I get, I may count it.

So... strange thing about my moods, lately, is that I can swing from one to the other with no warning, one minute to the next--and that I can be depressed about my grades and life and still be hyperactive high.  This is particularly true when my medicine keeps me from having an anxiety stress nervous breakdown.

But.

We did Fine Arts Awards today.

I... oh my GOD. I was pissed the alto section leader got an honorable mention for the concert choir.  She sucks. Doesn't show up half the time.  Choir president got award for that choir.  But... BUT. Tenor section leader--Tom, the boy who was a bitch to me but has been nicer lately--got the award for the top, a capella choir--and I got the honorable mention. Only non-section leader. *Beams* Didn't get any mentions for Jazz, which PISSED ME OF PARRISH I'VE DONE IT FOR FOUR YEARS AND I AM YOUR FUCKING PIANIST.

But.  BUT!

I GOT THE MUSIC DEPARTMENT AWARD. As in, for the whole music department.  For excellence and contribution to multiple musical disciplines. *BEAMS* I'm so happy.

MUSIC DEPARTMENT AWARD.

I... my god. I'm actually, like, leader in my school in music.

Just... eeeh. I'm so HAPPY.

Then I was like "Crap, I turned into JP!" Heh.  I love him. He's my cellist bass guy who went to Princeton.

Just... yey.

...By now, this afternoon, I'm very tired, hungry, bitter again, and just not up to this shit again. But... I'm still so happy!

Me.  Music award. From the fucking department. Because, apparently, I'm the best all-around musician at the school right now.

*SQUEEEEEEEEEEE*

Right. The thing about dealing with my life, light at the end of the tunnel?

Hah. Fuck that.

If I actually end up killing myself sometime in the next few days and weeks, don't be surprised.  There's looking to be less and less I can do.

That surprise at not being in a straightjacket yet? Yeah. Well.

Maybe I should be.

EDIT: ...Sad thing is, I'm actually very close to not even exaggerating about that anymore.

Happy birthday to you,
Snarky writers worship you,
You are awesome and amazing,
And Discworld is too!

From me and peacefuldragon (who helped me write the song) at least: HAPPY SIXTIETH BIRTHDAY, TERRY PRATCHETT! WE LOVE YOU!

 

See Lee.

See Lee die.

Die, Lee, die!

Okay, so I'm not sure if the minute or so late I was will count. Hopefully "in transit of email" will count as, y'know, being that minute or two late. -_-. DAMN WELL BETTER, RAULSTON. THAT IS THREE FUCKING THOUSAND WORDS OF QUALITY BULLSHITTING YOU HAVE THERE! *BEAMS* AND SINCE ABOUT THREE O CLOCK THIS MORNING, TOO.

...When I let my final grade rest on four hours of work, after no sleep and WAY too much scifi and anime? You know I have problems. But I basically analyzed modernism and existentialism and proceeded to deconstruct postmodernism, which is REALLY what my paper was about (and NOT actually form enhancing content, please GOD let him not notice that... -_-) but HEY, the first sentence of my paper was "As any debater, lawyer, senator, or overstressed English student will attest to, sometimes how an argument is presented is more important than the argument itself."  Voila my paper. Wondefully evil and self-referential, ja?

Also. This is the announcement of my living. I have not lived since about Friday afternoon, as I was in a state of perpetual limbo over this paper. But I live now.

And will now go die and try to get some sleep. I'm skipping school today. It can fuck itself.

...Also, I TOTALLY worked in The Name of the Rose as my final deconstruction of postmodernism AND MANAGED TO END MY PAPER WITH A SPEECH FROM DEATH. *CACKLES MADLY* The one about an atom of justice, a molecule of mercy. From Hogfather? *Snickers* I have a HUGEASS works cited list. Name of the Rose, Borges, Camus, Kafka, Sartre, Ives, Beckett, Nietzsche, a quote from Wittgenstein, and Pratchett. HAH.

I, my friends, conquer. Even if I fail this paper.

...I will deal with my life, that fucking magazine, that fucking novel I promised I'd do for a grade (I just need to pass, I can half-ass the fucking thing although I LOVE YOU TROJIE FOR HELPING ME WITH THE WHOLE MAGICAL APOCALYPSE WITH THE WHITE DWARFkthnxdone), and... uh...

I might start drawing. Just maybe.

-_-. If I do? Blame Adrian. The bastard's psychopathic enough.

...I am corrected. Sociopathic.

...No, sorry, you DO get labeled insane, hon.

EEEEEEELLLLGEEEEEEE. You need to let me know when you'll be online so I can raaaaaaaamble at you! *Beams* Especially as I've actually solidified all my social workings now, and just need to clear up minor plot points, sequences of scenes, etc.! You'll get fun scenes!

Also, WELCOME HOME JENN! I know you're upset to be back. But I'm happy to have you, and... I WILL BE IN BOSTON THIS FALL! (Assuming I don't fail first.) *SQUEE* That'll be fun, yes?

...Dear, dear readers, whosoever and howsofew you may be, I have lost my mind. Also, I quoted "Form of Things Unknown" for my title. Yeeeaaah, basically a Sandman AND a Pratchett moment in a paper.  I win.  Or lose. Or something.

Either way? My life is starting to return in snatches and glimmers of hope.  I'm so clooooooose... (Also? *HEADDESK* It's a bloody wonder I'm not in a straightjacket right now. I just want this clear.)

AAAHIWANNADRAW.