Or at least I used to be...

*Sigh* So.  One of those... days.  *Sigh* I'm waiting for a call from Princeton. Or the local Princeton alumna.  *Gloomy* And I haven't worked.  *Sigh* I need some new icons...

Also, due to... something, which I will discuss later, more privately, and in far greater detail, I've been feeling broken/unhappy/weepy/betrayed all day.  And worthless. I mean, part of the latter is due to my failage. But seriously, the rest of it? TOTALLY not deserved and unfounded, and I KNOW THIS. But... *Sighs* Fuck it. People are shit. I forget why I try again.

LizGib said that "Mary Sues are the literary equivalent of a bad acid trip." I love her.

I'm thinking about making a separate journal for All Things Writing.  To be friended if you're interested. And I don't mean just posting stories or pieces--'cause honestly that ain't happenin' any time soon, unless it's extra/ontheside--but for my rambles on it.  Locked and stuff. I may use my old LJ that I had for about three days when I was too immature to keep up with one.  I dunno.  I'm just feeling this desperate need to separate my life and my writing.  Maybe 'cause last time I DIDN'T and look at my mental state now.

Part of this is PMS.  I know this. Doesn't make it less shit.

Another month and ten days. Argh.

I hate this week.  Just... for the record.  It's out to kill me.  *Sighs*

What I never posted, though, was that my Dad did something HILARIOUS the other night. So we watched P2 of P&P2 (look, I'm making visual puns!) and when Darcy said "You must allow me to tell you how much I admire and... love you," Dad SPAZZED. And then ORDERED me to go get the DVD so he could see the rest of it THAT NIGHT. AND SKIPPED WORKING FOR IT.  HAH, my father lurves JA.  Anyway, so then in the 4/6th part Caroline Bingley, AKA the Orange Duck Bitch, is insulting Elizabeth and being evil. "...Her teeth are tolerable, I suppose, but nothing out of the common way.  And as for her eyes, which I have sometimes heard called fine, I could never perceive anything extraordinary in them.  And in her air there is a self-sufficiency without fashion which I find intolerable." (I didn't need to look that up.)

And my father, during the break between that and the next line of the rant ("How amazed we all were..."), all but yells at the TV screen, "Well, at least she doesn't have a nose like yours!"

Yes, people. Give it up for the math nerd genius father, who bitch-slapped Caroline Bingley. (What's more amazing is... my father actling like a PERSON?!)

Anyway.  *Sighs* I'm just... very tired, very sad, and sort of want to go cry.  Dammit, I'm such an idiot.  and I hate it and I hate being me. (wonder if mum'd let me skip out on school tomorrow morning... and kantorei... i'd be legitimately sick, i'm so tired and i need the time...) Literally, 'snot even about the sleep anymore. I'm just... gods, I'm just so tired.  I just want it all to STOP.

And I really, really want to cry.

(As per my English honors project for this semester, I have three words: God is dead. If you don't know what that means I'm doing, then look it up.  In any event, my teacher--that would be Doc, AKA God--thinks the subject suits me. *Smirk*)

Meme below ganked from julyflame.  Whoot for me. EDIT: So apparently being optimistic about humanity's ability to better the human condition makes me less an athiest? WTF is up with that? Seriously, ah, NO wtf. The only reason I believe THAT is because if something's wrong, it's people's fault.  What's the quote? "It's in ourselves to rise or fall." Except I believe it a lot LESS on an individual scale--as come on, oppression can combat a LOT of will power--but very deeply on a species-wide scale.  Uh. I'm a bloody Atheist. Just 'cause I have deep set morals doesn't make me any less athiest. Savvy? Good.