I'm sorry I couldn't be better for you...

Don't even ask about the subject. It sounded like a song to me. (I'm hearing it. It's not even an extant song. ...Let's not go there. I'm hearing music that doesn't exist now.)

But I do want to apologize, in advance, for the sheer, unadulterated Friendslist Spamming I'll be doing today.

While I'm here, I want to say I'm sorry for forgetting Destroying The Ring and Confrontation At The Black Gate Day. I apparently, however, honored it by not posting. Odd, that.

Next on teh list, then, is the Glorious Twentyfifth of Towelday. Hah.

Reminds me: must buy silk lilacs...

I started writing something. 'poc!verse, but not the book. Prequel to it. Oddly, I think it would be the last thing I'd actually write in that 'verse.  'Cause there's the stupid, stupid hero who gets himself killed in a freak accident due to his own idiocy and wearing himself down, and then there're his parents, who are actually far more directly influencial than he is. And their romance leads to him, and to huge political changes. Normally the sort of climax would be the main character's romance. But... well. Tifami apparently has a few things to say about that. So.  Sadly, though, I apparently start everything by writing the end. The way I read.  And... it's so odd, because...

It ends almost exactly the way the book I'm actually writing ends.  "He closed his eyes, and slept." Seriously, there's this incredibly morbid overtone of inevitable death where he's concerned.

...Oh, right. That would be why. I kill him off.

...........................

Which is the reason for this post. Not killing him off.  But. I... sort of had another breakdown moment. Not... not... life-breakdown. The "I feel like shit and ought to say something but I can't because I know what's right and I can't just give in to my weepiness and I want to curl up and die and never come back again" kind of breakdown moment.

I'm honestly about to start crying. In the middle of physics.

Fuck.

Expect... two more posts today. My sputtering incoherency if needed, and it may not happen or be an edit to this post.  And the one tonight, after I...

Oh god. Oh my holy Morgoth-fucking Eru (please excuse my language... why do I have this horrible sensation of Galadriel telling me to wash my mouth out...) I have to sing tonight. In front of people. Family. People

Shoot me now.