Facing the fact you live a lie...

...

I want to go die. I'm tired, I'm stressing, I'm incapable of working, I'm a horrible person, I won't get to go to the school I want to go to most, I hate my school I'm at, I'm going to hugely disappoint my parents, and everything's my fault, and I'm alone, and I want to cry hysterically, and I can't.

At least I finally named Celadan and Shia. Well, Shia's only half-named, but still.  something-rashia.  I like them.  Celadan's older brother needs a name. Not that he's in much but that one history arc thing, but...

I can't even bloody focus on writing the thing I'm SUPPOSED to be writing and just sit here playing with a hugely melodramatic love story. And I hate melodrama.  But I want to play with court intrigue, and... yargh.

Bren and Rania: arranged marriage, start to like each other, get screwed over by his brother,
Celadan and Shia: He courts her and actually loves her, she rather likes him (quite a bit) but doesn't really love him and marries him for political reasons. Get screwed over by her family.
Elemental!verse: there's a love match with political ramifications, but it's mainly two mages who just understand each other better than anyone else could.
Shattered!verse: arranged match, friendly enough, they're never in love per se.
Apocalypse!verse: ...Tifami marries... whatshisname, I forget who, eventually. For love (which rather startles her).  Neran marries a nice girl who grew up around the school and who's got a kid. (Neran's the CUTEST surrogate dad. And the cutest nonsexual soulmate EVER.)  Other notes... uhm... geezes. There are some arranged and/or political marriages that don't turn out so well running around, but I have a lower incidence of nobility in 'poc!verse than the others. Possibly because in the others the main characters are, respectively: second son and later crown prince, bastard son of the king who's actually good friends with his legitimate older brother, people from all different social classes, and a crown prince. ...Okay, well, really Glen's the focus of Shattered, but the prince (who nees to be renamed... I hate his name at the moment) is the one with the marriage involved. But 'poc!verse? Mostly lower class people involved. Literally, the merchant-scholar class is about the very highest it gets.

And that pointless ramble was mainly to keep from having a nervous breakdown.  Because right now I honestly want to go cry.

...Summer. Come summer, a new beginning.  Rebirth.

...I wonder if I'll be in the Orkneys on the solstice. Maybe I can find the Standing Stones mentioned in that Loreena McKennitt song that morning, though due to the time I won't be able to be there when I'd like to be, but at least I can stay in my room and watch the dawn...