Sharing this, just 'cause it is TOTALLY a Giles-Scoobie conversation (dunno if it'd be Xander or Buffy, or POSSIBLY Oz if he were being really sarcastic--OZISLOVE), or possibly Chris-Tamara, because... well, I can see it happening.

British professor: I was walking around Oxford one day and I heard these two young lads, couldn't have been more than eight, say "bitches and hoes."
Student: Could you please say that phrase again?
British professor: ... No.

I loves my British.  Hmm. Junior year is definitely happening. Absolutely. I won't let it not happen. Maybe I'll just do five year Masters so I can have four years at my lovely MIT and still spend my junior year traipsing about the wilds of Cambridge, UK.

...Hi. This is your random, "Yes, I live" update. After my minor nervous breakdown of yesterday, I thought I'd put it up.

Now I just need to write a paper in about two hours, email it, be like "...Ooops, sorry, it's right here, forgot!" and go make a flashlight. Cool, huh?

EDIT: While we're at it, because I always forget to mention this: I keep seeing postings for "The Hush Sound," some band or other, on various communities and stuff. My reaction, EVERY TIME: ..."WTF? The Hush Sound? That would be... silence. No one could talk in Hush! ....Dammit, Buffy!"

I... REALLY wish I had had an opportunity to use this with SotE!Cinaed. Seriously. This would have been the FUNNIEST thing for him to say.  Just because A) he would, B) he would and be reprimanded for his choice of words by both his wife and son, C) he would and be rather pleased with himself, and D) OH MY GOD IT IS THE FUNNIEST THING EVER.

Okay, so I was reading a Regency fic, and there's a general who has restrained himself from giving an evil, scheming woman his opinion of her.  SotE!Cinaed's version of said opinion, assuming he's talking to some court viperess, which he would have given immediately:

"My lord? You seem pensive."
"I was contemplating the sheer disparity in station between yourself and some of the poor women I have known."
"Oh? *Pleased*"
"Do you know, there are women in this world who are forced to sell their bodies for others' pleasure, who have not grown up with half your clothing, education, or talents.  One wonders if they could have found another means of surviving."
"*Look of disbelief and some confusion* I don't quite--"
"*Snorts, with that special, Kaleaster-y sneer of complete derision--you all should know it, Altran probably uses it the most, although Tyroshaun uses it when in a bad mood* As I said, I was contemplating the disparity in station between you. You could not aspire to match them even in the privacy of your own, conceited mind."

...I love him. Really. He's INSANE and impolitic and really bitchy, but man Cinaed is fun to write when he's being evil. *Cackles* I'd love to see him set someone down. Just... 'cause. Yes, I read regency and somehow end up picturing Cinaed being restrained by Kaimana from strangling half the population. It amuses me.

...Cinaed makes my life. Really. My not-bookworm.

 EDIT: Because the translation is even more hilarious, I'll go ahead and supply the seemingly-random, more real-world-ish version of the above set down. "I rather like prostitutes.  They've got a code of honor.  *Beat* You couldn't hope to rise to their level if hell froze over."

That was the original phrasing. Slash the un-prettified way of putting it. I repeat, I LOVE THAT MAN. *Glomps him and his acerbic tongue*

WHY is Luke such a failing, whiney brat? ARGH. Also, why is Han so pretty? I hadn't actually, uh, noticed this before. But he IS.  ...Sad thing is, I'm looking at him, and...

Uh. I keep wanting to see Celadan. *Flailhide* A young Celadan, obviously, as older!Celadan is scarred and broken and bears very little resemblance to his younger self (which is, y'know... good, for many reasons).

If he weren't so manly, I'd make him the younger boy, and have older-boy=Luke, younger-boy=Han, and a really weird twisted sort of grandda=Palpatine and Cel is the embittered but not actually EVIL version of Anakin, except he's really more like Corwin than Anakin because Anakin's a PSYCHOPATH which I have to admit even clip-winged Cel is not.  Mildly sociopathic or obsessive, yes, but not psychopathic. He'd never countenance murdering hundreds of innocent people. Actually, come to think of it, younger boy=Luke, older boy=Leia plotwise. ...WHICH IS HILARIOUS, and I am now trying not to DIE at the thought of... oh my GOD, that is so not a thought my mind needed to have.

Excuse me while I am murdered by a young angel king. *Cackles*

Basically, though? Take the best of Star Wars and Firefly, mix it with Amber, throw in a dash of Tolkien and Lewis for good measure, and maybe a touch of Good Omens in the sheer insanity, and you get an idea of what my Angelverse is starting to look like.

Star Wars is like religion: it is a piece of shit.  A time-honored, lovable, venerable, enjoyable, and occasionally philosophical piece of shit, but shit nonetheless.

...DAMN, YOUNG HARRISON FORD IS FREAKIN' HOT. How did I not notice this before? *Oogles him* I neeeeeds him as a PB. Dear self: No, no, Cel is bad for this, Cel is bad, Cel has bright red hair like two of his kiddies and a third is strawberry blond (daaaaaamn, maybe I ought to take away Cinaed's sibs before my 'verses get top-heavy in the red-heads, except I LURVES THEM, and...)

Okay, clearly I need a red-headed boyfriend. ...Or a blond one.  ...tall and blond would not go amiss... uhm... *shifty eyes...*

Okay, my hormones need calming down now.  I'm going to hide.

Also, I can has pretty dresses, I can has knife, I can has awesomeness, I can has total failage, and I can has Star Wars. Bye now.

...I totally need a scene with younger!boy--who fucking needs a name, gods dammit all to hell!--saying "I have a bad feeling about this..."

Or possibly 'tanna. Or Jalen? No, that's not so much his line.  One of the red-headed twins. *Snickers* Also 'cause... they're far more like Mal, and Mal(/Han) would say that.

...Mal/Han. Oh shit. I read one too many Bad Slash PPCs, or too many sporks... *Brain: fizzles and dies*

We are interrupting this transmission. It has degenerated into insanity and fangirlism. We hope to return to your regularly scheduled programming...

...Sometime in the future. We don't know when.  Thank you.  Oh, and, uh, have a nice day.

That was a fucking Buffy rip-off! A CREEPY Buffy rip-off! Now even snarky mental commentary on MYSELF is going insane...

...I did say to move along, didn't I? Do so.

I don't know whether to laugh or squee uncontrollably.


Isn't he ADORABLE?! It's Shakespearean!Giles! ... *Can't stop squeeing* I'm just not certain if I want to actually think about SotE!Cinaed wearing that outfit.  *Giggles insanely*

I'm sorry. That was a totally necessary picture.

OHMIGODHEISSOCUTE. AND GEEKY. ...And all... commanding... eeh. *In a happyplace now*

My head's woozy.

And I feel vaguely nauseous.

And my father's in my bedroom building his damn computer. I'm kicking him out soon, I think. So I can sleep and get up early to do physics. Ugh.

I wish I'd been more awake this evening, but... I really wasn't. At all. I'd've liked to keep writing. I have inspiration again.  And Shattered!verse FINALLY clicked more into place than before. *Sigh of relief* And I get to have magical critters there, too.  ...And Elemental!verse has minor magical!critters. Not nearly as exaggerated as Shattered!verse, which is also the ritual-type magic place. Which is odd in and of itself, for me. I'm so elementally oriented it's sad.

But... yeah. Good day writing wise. LG, you save my ass. Really. Sorry I didn't do Denerais, unless I did by the time I went to sleep.  Just... I more or less keeled over and died.

I'm... in a bad mood. I hate having things hanging over me. But I feel so much better in many ways than I did yesterday.  Christina... and LG especially. Worldbuilding soothes me, apparently. As does writing about death and realizing what I'm trying to say about it in this one piece.

On which note, Tyroshaun finally started speaking to me again. I mean, he was talking to me. He's nice that way. Big brotherish.  But... damn.  He apparently is mad at me, actually, but he's capable of talking to me other than either mocking bad singers or idiots or making me laugh.  And Cinaed's back. He'd been gone for a little while. And apparently has a stronger tendency than before to speaking in high brow polite tones. *eyeroll* He's as bad or WORSE than Giles.  But amusing. (The guy on TDS last night apparently tried to say "You're fucked" in a Scottish accent. Cinaed mocked his failage at that. And earned a thwap from his wife. It amused me greatly.)

I want a Regency dress. Badly. Or Buffy's dress.

Also, I'm looking longingly at spaceships right now. Spaceships and alien races and... gah. My head is bad today. *Sigh* Physics now.

(...Why do I want to say I miss Jon?)

Okay. So I was going to post my exuberance on Friday. I'll go back and edit that post and do the update on those coupla days in a little while. I haven't had the energy. It was a strange high. I promise I'll go back and write it up, though, because OH MY GOD MY CHOIR DIRECTOR IS FUCKING INSANE I LOVE HIM. *Giggles* Just... oh Scotty B.

But... uhm. Yesterday I had piano lesson--I LOVE Mozart, really I do. And love sightreading him, playing him, analyzing every chord as I go along that I can while still playing... aaaaah, music.  Anyway, then my Tessa came over and we watched Fruits Basket. It was lots of fun.  I love my Tessa. And I gave her the Audrey Hepburn book that I got that I didn't care for one way or another, but she LOVES Hepburn, so... she's happy. And that makes me happy. Even if we didn't get to see Golden Compass. Bah humbug.  Today, had rehearsal, forgot, was late, etc, bad day. Ugh.

Tyroshaun is incredibly good at the guilt complex thing. Lord, he'll find a way to blame himself for anything and everything.

... WARNING. This is a writing-filled post and there are five hundred tags because... well, yes. It's everything that's in here. And a summary of my mind at the moment, so it is necessary. For my record keeping. Skip ahead if you'd like.

Anyway. The other thing about yesterday... I rambled at/with LG, and WHOOT FOR WORLDBUILDING. Ohmigod, LG, you save my life.   Just... lord oh lord, you save my life. And I get to keep my other 'verse too now, despite Apocalypse!verse... which is what I'm calling that one, for the simple fact that... okay, I'll put that in below with my list of my private playground 'verses. So I've essentially got four 'verses right now, one on the front burner, one sort of... in the tea-kettle for sipping at, and two on the back burner.  One... based off an interesting fanfic idea I had that I may change so that I just have the epic sort of thing in that time period, so I'm not sure if I ought to count it as a verse or just a story. That's in the incubator.  And sort of in the pantry--not hot or cold and for snacking on, are my JA fanfic ideas.  Mostly P&P.  My Jeeves-JA mix, and my new theater!P&P fic.  (Come on, you all saw that coming--did you think I could resist the idea?)  I'm REALLY going to make Darcy blond in one of them. Just to break the paradigm. Not light blond, but... not blond. You can be broody without being dark-haired, dammit! I also do have a shortfic idea, for Sandman. *Grins* A Sweeney-Sandman story, actually. I mean... if Sweeney isn't a nightmare, than what is? Or it'll be a Corinthian-influencing-Benjamin-Barker/Sweeney-Todd.  But mainly I'd like to see Dream and Sweeney talking. *Grins*

...I love my head sometimes. *Grins* Now, the summary of the 'verses and the fics (and if you'd like any further information, please feel free to give me a nudge or ask for an email. ...why I'm offering, I don't know, as this is mostly for my own reference and mostly the five people who read this either A) already know, or B) will be told anyway by my rambling (sorry, LG-san), or C) won't be interested. I mean... the reason I keep this is mostly for my own memory, y'know? It's not like I have hordes of friends to keep up with... I never have. The ones I keep up with, I keep up with. I just need to write things out sometimes... anyway, still. If you'd like more info/the long and detailed plot explanation, let me know and I'll give it to you! Just be warned about the hours it'll need):

(...I don't know why I find the real world so damn boring. It's all about the high fantasy and the magic and occasionally the spaceships for me. It's odd. ...SPACESHIPS AHOY!)

So those are my seven (or nine... whoa, hey, my two favorite Significant Numbers!) ideas for writing lately. Sorry for the time I'm taking up, but I really, really needed to get that out. And it brought a smile to my face, which... I also desperately needed.  When I start singing from Assassins? Help is needed.

(With this analogy, you could say ideas seven and eight, the musicals, are the liquor cabinet: oh so enticing, out of bounds, and... ah, inducing giggles and insanity.)

...It occurs to me, now, that I HATE cooking and so maybe all those cooking analogies were singularly... bad.  Uhm. Usually I think of my head as a library, or a common room.  Or maybe a house.  A theater'd be a good analogy.  I'll... think of a better way of putting it.

Uhm. #1 is the big money high-class show (...Dunno, maybe a highly acclaimed Shakespeare or... dunno, Sweeney?), #2 the avant garde side gig (Mirrormask), #s 3 and 4 are scripts stuffed in a file drawer 'cause no one's bought 'em yet or in pre-production (Feeling Electric/whatever it's called now stupidheads), #s 5 and 6 are community theatre (my school's Crazy for You), #s 7 and 8 are The A Daily Show and The Colbert Report (bert/port, not bear/pore...), and #9 is that great idea about spaceships you had and haven't gotten around to dealing with.  To put it all in show-biz terms.

All I need to add to that is to have a #10 that was a long-running show that got cancelled. ...I wonder what some of those people who stuck around so long'll do... 

...My first smile in a while. That felt good.

EDIT: ... Aaand "I Know The Truth" is on. And it's making me, like, want to go curl up and die.  Partly for me, partly because I've got a hysterically sobbing character on my hands and it's painful. ...No. that's not right. Not sobbing. Not hysterical. Just...... this spot where everything sort of... curls up on itself, into a singularity. It's like a... grey hole? Not as extreme as a black hole, but... lord. It's hard.

AAAAAACK I LOVE THIS SONG SO EFFING MUCH!

And it is the ultimate in Cinaed/Chris songs. Really. EEEEEEEEEH. I was actually DANCING to it! ...Although the song REALLY makes me want to create a character for it for my new RPG. Except this is My Cinaed/Chris Song.  Partly 'cause it's from the fire album, right? And this is the opening song.  So I just... hear the song and see it through a curtain of fire, burning the city. ....Yeah. Um. My head is a special place to live.

I LOVE THIS SONG! *DAAAAAANCE PARTAY!*

When I have time... mandolin, BEWARE MY MUSIC GENIUS SKILLZ! BWAH. ...Ignore my insanity. Please.

Anyway. NEW CHARACTERS! Slash one old one all spiffed up.

EDIT: 


EDIT: My official new quote: "Oooo... dead!Tyrone... Shiny! *Likes that!*"

EDIT (again): OH MY HOLY FUCKING GOD. I LOVE KANIN DERELAN. WHY HAVE I NOT USED HIM BEFORE?! I GOT 636 WORDS ON A SAMPLE WITH A BRAND NEW CHARACTER AND WITH HIM ACTUALLY SAYING TWO WORDS IN THE WHOLE THING. AND HE'S... AAAACK! I LOVE HIM!

So... lots of stuff, I guess. First, apologies for constant posting. Just... no one here, y'know? No one to talk to. So... I ramble.  Despite nothing happening today. I'm a fantastic sightreader--could only be better if I were actually going to be a professional musician. Odd, that my greatest talent seems to lie with the one thing that's a game and a passtime for me. Perhaps it's more that it's my greatest talent, but not really enough to justify pursuit. Otherwise...

God only knows what my life would have been like if it had been enough, or if my parents had encouraged me towards it instead of pushing me into science because music's something of a dead end 99.99% of the time.

I talked to Tess for a while today. And I'm calling Sarah, too. I miss them. And thank god you're back, Jen... lord, I miss my friends. I miss my life. Mom and Dad suggested asking Betsy over to watch physics with me. I dunno if I should.  I'm a little shy about the idea. But I'd really like to.  Betsy's been such a saving grace in my life lately--SHE IS AN ANGEL OF MERCY OH MY GOD PAINKILLERS ARE TEH LOVE.  And of course Elizabeth... I love that girl.  More and more.  (Mental note: add my Elizabeth tag to previous posts.) I really want to get to know Ren, too. She's so kickass-ly awesome I want to like worship her.  (Wren? Rin? Rine? Catherine Fondren... I don't know.)  If I don't see her on AIM much, I really need to call Christina too. ...I miss Sta. Randomly. Nostalgically.

I hate melodrama. I hate it when I get like this, all self-pitying.  I hate it, hate it, hate it.  It's sick. It's stupid. ...The fact that I'm calm and not curled up in my bed sobbing is a definite sign that my meds are working for me, after all.

I really need to finish my college applications. I need to get out of here.  It's a cliff, and my wings are spread and ready, but I keep running and running and the edge never gets any closer so I can never take the leap... Nevermind that I'm frightened to death of open edges or of falling.  "Sometimes you wake up, and sometimes, yes, you die... but sometimes when you fall, you fly."

...*Sighs* I think I'll write and then go curl up with Morpheus for a while.

I don't know if I'll work any harder in second semester. I want to, in an academic way--by academic I mean in a perfect hypothetical situation.  But... it's probably not going to happen.  I'm too tired, too unhealthy, too sick at heart from the world and my life to really care about it all anymore. I really just... don't care. It's why I've avoided the college stuff. I can't bring myself to care.

It's funny how easy it is to waste energy, all or lots of it, in uselessness or crying. And how hard it is to try to make yourself happy.

EDIT: ...I LOVE CARBON LEAF SO EFFING MUCH. *Dies* I'm listening to One Prairie Outpost... and I just found my theme song for this novel. Just... gack. So perfect. *Dead* ...I love them.... and such nice music, too.

So Mom is subbing for a teacher with cancer (ironic, that, as that's what stopped her from subbing back in seventh grade...) for the rest of the year. I'm kinda liking it, kinda not. Not: she can keep an eye on me.  Liking: ...Heeeeee, I've got mommy on campus to sign me out and things like that.

Computer's coming in today, and today's first day of practice for the winter show. *Happyhum* Play about mentally retarded guys falling in love or some such.  Comedy.

...Gettin' a little writing done.  Slowly.  ...Mostly due to a hilarious conversation.  Did you know there are three variations of the Wallace tartan, and the last clan Chief refused to even recognize one of them (and another only under duress)?

...STFU.

Anyway.

...Remind me, next time I'm in New York, to go poke around Washington Heights.  It's necessary.

OH! *Giggles* I didn't get my favorite all time teacher for English, but... I got my math teacher for English. This is actually REALLY good, 'cause he's HILARIOUS. And BRILLIANT. And... ah... snarky in the extreme. Yay, English Snark.  And he calls people idiots in class. To their faces.

...Yes, there is a reason I worship him. Hush. *Squee* GOOD ENGLISH CLASS YAY.

Holy fuck. *Sighs* Thank you, psychiatrist, for telling my mother EXACTLY WHAT I HAVE BEEN SAYING ALL ALONG. *Facepalm*  Seriously. All teens are sleep deprived.  Get over it, mum.  And if I were actually AFFECTED by all the stuff you're worried about... uh, I would be failing school, not one fucked up class that everyone hates.

That's parent one.

Parent two... oh dear lord in heaven. *Just... wibbles* I swear, my dad means more to me than I realized, because there's bits of him strewn all over my characters. ...Kaimana, I guess, for the math, but... no, not really.  Okay, not all over my characters.  Dad's almost the definition of the Kaleaster family.  Just... oh lord.  The working hard and too much and the coffee drinking and the teacher-li-ness... all traits that came out in Cinaed. Also, the tendency to know everything about history and politics and literature.  And then... the stressing, I swear he's depressed, the sweetness that's there that my god I didn't know it existed and he almost made me cry on the phone 'cause he wants me to be proud of him--I'm always worried about my parents being proud of me, not the other way around!-and a sense of inadequacy, and the being a genius and... god.  I was on the phone and was like "...What the hell? When did my father turn into Tyroshaun?"

I didn't realize I drew so much on my dad.  *Sniffle* I still wanna cry.  He's so... unhappy. And... *Wibble* And I can't fix him.

*Sigh* Parents.  Can't live with 'em, can't have ever been alive without 'em.

(Translation of subject: Dés que tout est claire, tout redeviens beau... When everything's light, everything becomes beautiful again.)

...I need a parents tag.

EDIT: I found my favorite line of that song, so I replaced the subject. *Sheepish* New translation: And thanks to you the earth lives through the sun-lit years.  Approximately.  I took a small liberty in making it... more accurate to the meaning and not the word for word translation.

*SPAZZ* I LOVE THIS SONG. It's just... beautiful and hopeful and bright and turned to the sun and the morning and... ACK! *LUFFS ON IT!*

...*Frowns* Okay, that one's on my mix. *Firm nod* Definitely.

EDIT II: ...I need to just... transcribe this song. It's gorgeous.  And... god. Listening to it... just makes me happy.  Happy inside, warm and glowy and... gah. Admittedly part of it is that it's this hopeful, idealistic young man singing it, but... GOD, this song.  I'm having a TERRIBLE day.  And yet... this song... makes it all... right.  Just a little.

EDIT III: Oh, right. Forgot to add: I'm good at physics. Just bad at physics grades. Bwah.