See Lee.

See Lee die.

Die, Lee, die!

Okay, so I'm not sure if the minute or so late I was will count. Hopefully "in transit of email" will count as, y'know, being that minute or two late. -_-. DAMN WELL BETTER, RAULSTON. THAT IS THREE FUCKING THOUSAND WORDS OF QUALITY BULLSHITTING YOU HAVE THERE! *BEAMS* AND SINCE ABOUT THREE O CLOCK THIS MORNING, TOO.

...When I let my final grade rest on four hours of work, after no sleep and WAY too much scifi and anime? You know I have problems. But I basically analyzed modernism and existentialism and proceeded to deconstruct postmodernism, which is REALLY what my paper was about (and NOT actually form enhancing content, please GOD let him not notice that... -_-) but HEY, the first sentence of my paper was "As any debater, lawyer, senator, or overstressed English student will attest to, sometimes how an argument is presented is more important than the argument itself."  Voila my paper. Wondefully evil and self-referential, ja?

Also. This is the announcement of my living. I have not lived since about Friday afternoon, as I was in a state of perpetual limbo over this paper. But I live now.

And will now go die and try to get some sleep. I'm skipping school today. It can fuck itself.

...Also, I TOTALLY worked in The Name of the Rose as my final deconstruction of postmodernism AND MANAGED TO END MY PAPER WITH A SPEECH FROM DEATH. *CACKLES MADLY* The one about an atom of justice, a molecule of mercy. From Hogfather? *Snickers* I have a HUGEASS works cited list. Name of the Rose, Borges, Camus, Kafka, Sartre, Ives, Beckett, Nietzsche, a quote from Wittgenstein, and Pratchett. HAH.

I, my friends, conquer. Even if I fail this paper.

...I will deal with my life, that fucking magazine, that fucking novel I promised I'd do for a grade (I just need to pass, I can half-ass the fucking thing although I LOVE YOU TROJIE FOR HELPING ME WITH THE WHOLE MAGICAL APOCALYPSE WITH THE WHITE DWARFkthnxdone), and... uh...

I might start drawing. Just maybe.

-_-. If I do? Blame Adrian. The bastard's psychopathic enough.

...I am corrected. Sociopathic.

...No, sorry, you DO get labeled insane, hon.

EEEEEEELLLLGEEEEEEE. You need to let me know when you'll be online so I can raaaaaaaamble at you! *Beams* Especially as I've actually solidified all my social workings now, and just need to clear up minor plot points, sequences of scenes, etc.! You'll get fun scenes!

Also, WELCOME HOME JENN! I know you're upset to be back. But I'm happy to have you, and... I WILL BE IN BOSTON THIS FALL! (Assuming I don't fail first.) *SQUEE* That'll be fun, yes?

...Dear, dear readers, whosoever and howsofew you may be, I have lost my mind. Also, I quoted "Form of Things Unknown" for my title. Yeeeaaah, basically a Sandman AND a Pratchett moment in a paper.  I win.  Or lose. Or something.

Either way? My life is starting to return in snatches and glimmers of hope.  I'm so clooooooose... (Also? *HEADDESK* It's a bloody wonder I'm not in a straightjacket right now. I just want this clear.)

AAAHIWANNADRAW.

I fucking hate hate hate hate hate hormones. I also hate LJ for eating my hilarious meme from yesterday. *Snickercackledie* I will recreate it later.

But... all I have to say is this. I'm chatting quietly with the Doc, and the bell goes off. About twice as loud usual. Me: *Blinks* "Oh my god." *Proceeds to tell Doc that there's this satirical site, and a story about two girls who when they get an assignment, their console beeps.* "That? Is the sound of the console."

Literally. My bell today WAS the BEEEEP! of doom.  *Facepalm*

...Geezes

"What takes more power, making someone subordinate or making someone want to be subordinate?" "Which is worth more, slavery or slavery with a smile?"

Oh my dear god in heaven. ...*Growls* NO. Stop that.

Also, have a choir trip, won't be around.

My email to my English teacher:
"Here is my paper.

...I meant to say something witty, but I'm afraid it escapes me at
the moment. Oh well."

His reply:
"I'll just wait for "witty" tomorrow in class... ;-)"

YAAAAY! I LOVE YOU TOO DOC!

*Sigh* So.  One of those... days.  *Sigh* I'm waiting for a call from Princeton. Or the local Princeton alumna.  *Gloomy* And I haven't worked.  *Sigh* I need some new icons...

Also, due to... something, which I will discuss later, more privately, and in far greater detail, I've been feeling broken/unhappy/weepy/betrayed all day.  And worthless. I mean, part of the latter is due to my failage. But seriously, the rest of it? TOTALLY not deserved and unfounded, and I KNOW THIS. But... *Sighs* Fuck it. People are shit. I forget why I try again.

LizGib said that "Mary Sues are the literary equivalent of a bad acid trip." I love her.

I'm thinking about making a separate journal for All Things Writing.  To be friended if you're interested. And I don't mean just posting stories or pieces--'cause honestly that ain't happenin' any time soon, unless it's extra/ontheside--but for my rambles on it.  Locked and stuff. I may use my old LJ that I had for about three days when I was too immature to keep up with one.  I dunno.  I'm just feeling this desperate need to separate my life and my writing.  Maybe 'cause last time I DIDN'T and look at my mental state now.

Part of this is PMS.  I know this. Doesn't make it less shit.

Another month and ten days. Argh.

I hate this week.  Just... for the record.  It's out to kill me.  *Sighs*

What I never posted, though, was that my Dad did something HILARIOUS the other night. So we watched P2 of P&P2 (look, I'm making visual puns!) and when Darcy said "You must allow me to tell you how much I admire and... love you," Dad SPAZZED. And then ORDERED me to go get the DVD so he could see the rest of it THAT NIGHT. AND SKIPPED WORKING FOR IT.  HAH, my father lurves JA.  Anyway, so then in the 4/6th part Caroline Bingley, AKA the Orange Duck Bitch, is insulting Elizabeth and being evil. "...Her teeth are tolerable, I suppose, but nothing out of the common way.  And as for her eyes, which I have sometimes heard called fine, I could never perceive anything extraordinary in them.  And in her air there is a self-sufficiency without fashion which I find intolerable." (I didn't need to look that up.)

And my father, during the break between that and the next line of the rant ("How amazed we all were..."), all but yells at the TV screen, "Well, at least she doesn't have a nose like yours!"

Yes, people. Give it up for the math nerd genius father, who bitch-slapped Caroline Bingley. (What's more amazing is... my father actling like a PERSON?!)

Anyway.  *Sighs* I'm just... very tired, very sad, and sort of want to go cry.  Dammit, I'm such an idiot.  and I hate it and I hate being me. (wonder if mum'd let me skip out on school tomorrow morning... and kantorei... i'd be legitimately sick, i'm so tired and i need the time...) Literally, 'snot even about the sleep anymore. I'm just... gods, I'm just so tired.  I just want it all to STOP.

And I really, really want to cry.

(As per my English honors project for this semester, I have three words: God is dead. If you don't know what that means I'm doing, then look it up.  In any event, my teacher--that would be Doc, AKA God--thinks the subject suits me. *Smirk*)

Meme below ganked from julyflame.  Whoot for me. EDIT: So apparently being optimistic about humanity's ability to better the human condition makes me less an athiest? WTF is up with that? Seriously, ah, NO wtf. The only reason I believe THAT is because if something's wrong, it's people's fault.  What's the quote? "It's in ourselves to rise or fall." Except I believe it a lot LESS on an individual scale--as come on, oppression can combat a LOT of will power--but very deeply on a species-wide scale.  Uh. I'm a bloody Atheist. Just 'cause I have deep set morals doesn't make me any less athiest. Savvy? Good.

 

Okay. Two quotes.

One: Doc, to me, upon realizing I'm in the room and not knowing why I'm there: "...Not that I'm not happy to see you or anything, but... why are you here?"

Oh Doc.

Second: A conservative boy in the comp lab: "The US is, like, the only country that does follow the Geneva Convention. I mean, we let them pray five times a day, provide healthcare... Saudi Arabia doesn't let women drive!"

...Okay. A) Saudi's a US ally. That's not helping you.

B) ......Ignoring EVERYTHING else I could say, not least about the blatant violation of the constitution by this administration... I have one word for you, you conservative bastards.

Waterboarding.

That's all.

...In other news? I LOVE YOU TO DEATH, LG! YOU ARE MY HERO! ...And if I start swearing "Light and Life" at any time in the near future it's ENTIRELY your fault thank you very much. *SQUEEEEEEE* Yey for sociopolitical history. That's really about all.

EDIT: ...So... ah, took the Daemon test, nothing we didn't know: I'm sensitive, open with my friends, and incredibly introverted. Witness my astonishment. Seemingly I'm with the snowy animals.  Also? DOWNLOADS OF THE FIRST FOUR POWER RANGER EPISODES FOR IPOD! WHOOT! ...I'm a loser, shut up.