Okay. So I was going to post my exuberance on Friday. I'll go back and edit that post and do the update on those coupla days in a little while. I haven't had the energy. It was a strange high. I promise I'll go back and write it up, though, because OH MY GOD MY CHOIR DIRECTOR IS FUCKING INSANE I LOVE HIM. *Giggles* Just... oh Scotty B.

But... uhm. Yesterday I had piano lesson--I LOVE Mozart, really I do. And love sightreading him, playing him, analyzing every chord as I go along that I can while still playing... aaaaah, music.  Anyway, then my Tessa came over and we watched Fruits Basket. It was lots of fun.  I love my Tessa. And I gave her the Audrey Hepburn book that I got that I didn't care for one way or another, but she LOVES Hepburn, so... she's happy. And that makes me happy. Even if we didn't get to see Golden Compass. Bah humbug.  Today, had rehearsal, forgot, was late, etc, bad day. Ugh.

Tyroshaun is incredibly good at the guilt complex thing. Lord, he'll find a way to blame himself for anything and everything.

... WARNING. This is a writing-filled post and there are five hundred tags because... well, yes. It's everything that's in here. And a summary of my mind at the moment, so it is necessary. For my record keeping. Skip ahead if you'd like.

Anyway. The other thing about yesterday... I rambled at/with LG, and WHOOT FOR WORLDBUILDING. Ohmigod, LG, you save my life.   Just... lord oh lord, you save my life. And I get to keep my other 'verse too now, despite Apocalypse!verse... which is what I'm calling that one, for the simple fact that... okay, I'll put that in below with my list of my private playground 'verses. So I've essentially got four 'verses right now, one on the front burner, one sort of... in the tea-kettle for sipping at, and two on the back burner.  One... based off an interesting fanfic idea I had that I may change so that I just have the epic sort of thing in that time period, so I'm not sure if I ought to count it as a verse or just a story. That's in the incubator.  And sort of in the pantry--not hot or cold and for snacking on, are my JA fanfic ideas.  Mostly P&P.  My Jeeves-JA mix, and my new theater!P&P fic.  (Come on, you all saw that coming--did you think I could resist the idea?)  I'm REALLY going to make Darcy blond in one of them. Just to break the paradigm. Not light blond, but... not blond. You can be broody without being dark-haired, dammit! I also do have a shortfic idea, for Sandman. *Grins* A Sweeney-Sandman story, actually. I mean... if Sweeney isn't a nightmare, than what is? Or it'll be a Corinthian-influencing-Benjamin-Barker/Sweeney-Todd.  But mainly I'd like to see Dream and Sweeney talking. *Grins*

...I love my head sometimes. *Grins* Now, the summary of the 'verses and the fics (and if you'd like any further information, please feel free to give me a nudge or ask for an email. ...why I'm offering, I don't know, as this is mostly for my own reference and mostly the five people who read this either A) already know, or B) will be told anyway by my rambling (sorry, LG-san), or C) won't be interested. I mean... the reason I keep this is mostly for my own memory, y'know? It's not like I have hordes of friends to keep up with... I never have. The ones I keep up with, I keep up with. I just need to write things out sometimes... anyway, still. If you'd like more info/the long and detailed plot explanation, let me know and I'll give it to you! Just be warned about the hours it'll need):

(...I don't know why I find the real world so damn boring. It's all about the high fantasy and the magic and occasionally the spaceships for me. It's odd. ...SPACESHIPS AHOY!)

So those are my seven (or nine... whoa, hey, my two favorite Significant Numbers!) ideas for writing lately. Sorry for the time I'm taking up, but I really, really needed to get that out. And it brought a smile to my face, which... I also desperately needed.  When I start singing from Assassins? Help is needed.

(With this analogy, you could say ideas seven and eight, the musicals, are the liquor cabinet: oh so enticing, out of bounds, and... ah, inducing giggles and insanity.)

...It occurs to me, now, that I HATE cooking and so maybe all those cooking analogies were singularly... bad.  Uhm. Usually I think of my head as a library, or a common room.  Or maybe a house.  A theater'd be a good analogy.  I'll... think of a better way of putting it.

Uhm. #1 is the big money high-class show (...Dunno, maybe a highly acclaimed Shakespeare or... dunno, Sweeney?), #2 the avant garde side gig (Mirrormask), #s 3 and 4 are scripts stuffed in a file drawer 'cause no one's bought 'em yet or in pre-production (Feeling Electric/whatever it's called now stupidheads), #s 5 and 6 are community theatre (my school's Crazy for You), #s 7 and 8 are The A Daily Show and The Colbert Report (bert/port, not bear/pore...), and #9 is that great idea about spaceships you had and haven't gotten around to dealing with.  To put it all in show-biz terms.

All I need to add to that is to have a #10 that was a long-running show that got cancelled. ...I wonder what some of those people who stuck around so long'll do... 

...My first smile in a while. That felt good.

EDIT: ... Aaand "I Know The Truth" is on. And it's making me, like, want to go curl up and die.  Partly for me, partly because I've got a hysterically sobbing character on my hands and it's painful. ...No. that's not right. Not sobbing. Not hysterical. Just...... this spot where everything sort of... curls up on itself, into a singularity. It's like a... grey hole? Not as extreme as a black hole, but... lord. It's hard.

So... totally made up half the answers on my math test today. *Snicker* Yay.

And I dunno if I'll be able to be online tonight... *Wibble* Although if I can't it may ensure actual productivity on my novel. (Still needs a name and something more than a first line...)

Also, MTAP will totally save my poor abused GPA.  Bwah.

So... I have to edit my essay this week, and get that done, and then start in on my supplement thingies.  ...Grrh. Why is it some of them gotta be mailed?! ARGH!

Anyways.  Also gots myself shtuff to start workin' on my PPCing.  Bwah.  Evil, evil fic.  It needs killing.  Although the agents are now wondering if there's some way to reforge them to get rid of the crappy decorations.  'Cause... ew.

Also, got distracted at lunch when looking for the magazine sponsor-teacher-guy 'cause there was a movie on in his room--and it was FotR. *Giggles* I had to stay to watch Galadriel go crazy.  I didn't much enjoy that scene, and she's one of my favourite characters.  Maybe it was just Frodo.  Ugh.

Also, Rent'll be in town in mid-November.  I don't know if I want to go or not.  Mom and dad probably won't even let me, as much as I've seen it lately... *Quietwibble* imisstimandiwishihadapicturewithadambutmainlyimisstim.  andhisprettyvoice.  andbearhugs.

now i wanna go cry... *sniff*

EDIT: ...EWEWEWEWEW. THEY WANT TWO ESSAYS ON TOP OF THE COMMON APP ONE?! Princeton, you're bloody insane. *Headdeskheaddesk* Gah. Why me?

Yeah.

So what Mom said about me, not knowing she was basically quoting both Mark and Roger about Mark?

Never felt so true.

*Deep breath*

So here we go...

Audition in the morning.  Joy of joys.  Ought to go sleep until then.

*Sighs*

It's gonna be a... a happy new year...

Although I frankly doubt it. But I guess I'll try.

Now we... oh no...

I feel sorry for Saavedro. And Atrus, who doesn't deserve the accusation.

The breakdown will happen tomorrow, or the day after, when I realize I can't take the 1 train down to 41st and hang out and chat with Nicolette and Luther and Maia and Marcus and Shaun and Troy and Justin and avoid Kyle and ignore Anthony and try not to squee at Adam out loud.

But for now?

Never thought my last night in New York could be so... good.

Wish I'd gotten to the theatre a few minutes earlier than I did--could have grabbed my picture then. But ah well.

I've discovered there is something infinitely better than a picture, something far more precious.

He really has beautiful eyes.

MARK:
Chris Hanke: Funny, many different expressions, a voice
Anthony Rapp: Not at all funny, about two to three different expressions (that many times better than David Boreanaz, at any rate...), no voice

Final Score: Hanke wins. There's no real battle.

ROGER:
Tim Howar: Cute as a button, expressive, never bored, a little over melodramatic sometimes, clearly off heroine, short, no special movement traits, gets angry beautifully, not beautiful, lovely lovely neck, divine voice.
Adam Pascal: Drop dead gorgeous, none too expressive, looks bored sometimes when not in the limelight, not melodramatic but very much with the "Look at me the drama queen!", acts like he still uses sometimes, tall, positively stalks like a tiger, doesn't get angry well except the one time he shoved Anthony very very mildly, did I mention beautiful, lovely neck, could have a good voice but he goes too nasal and Has No Undertones.

Final Score: Adam's good.  Very good.  But... well.  Really?  Tim still kicks his sorry ass from here to... well, England.  *Wistful sigh* Just take Adam's looks and Tim's voice and expressiveness...

...Er...

........And you get Tyrone Lucien Astin.  Who also, btw, doesn't do barricades.  And isn't fucking late.  Which is half and half of them again.  Still. I like Tim better.

Sorry, Adam.

The one line that was much, much better than Tim ever did?

"I'll call... I hate the fall."  

And I rather appreciated it.

*Curls up*

I think I'm just... gonna go die for a little while.

Wish this hadn't been last night.  Just another week and it'd've been easier to juggle everything.

Murphy's Law I guess.

Still.  I can't see things being half as good.

Also, I'm the world's biggest idiot.

And yet? I still think I'm right.

Wonder how that works.

...Bagpipes are soothing.

Okay, so first of all: Jake, from Lotto? Pretty awesome guy.  Also gay.  Also, Tracey from Lotto is a neat woman.  I really like her.  Also, there's the little slut 12 year old whose parents let her run free in the city.  At 12.  Which is stupid. Especially since she dresses like a slut.  And she always wins Lotto.  But she didn't this afternoon, mwah.

Obviously I didn't get Lotto for the matinee, which is really fine by me--means I have free time.  Went and got my two shirts, for example.  I'll look like such a Columbia kid with my shirt tomorrow on moving day... Hee.

Anyway. Don't be surprised if you get an angsty, pointless post about 1am today, full of my sobbing uncontrollably over the Tragedy That Is Tim's Departure.

Dammit, I want my Timness. Remind me to grab Tracey's number since she's giving Tim her email and address and stuff so I can stay in touch with her (and through her Tim as well... love that man).  Seriously, she's an awesome person, and we have nice long chit-chats in Lotto and always do Lotto together now.  Anyway.  I want Tim.  Wah.

So... the reason for this post.  Two things I missed yesterday: Kyle looked awkward even in Contact miming having sex.  The guy can't even have sex well. Seriously. David Boreanaz can out-act him, for crying out loud.  Secondly, Tim did... something weird on Musetta's Waltz in LVB? Like, I could kinda recognize it? But mostly it was just weird guitar stuff that sounded awesome.  Chris did the line, but.... different emphasis.  Chris: "... That doesn't remind us of Musetta's Waltz!" Instead of "...That doesn't remind us of Musetta's Waltz." And he gave Tim the funniest WTF look.

Main reason: So I was waiting for Tim to come in, to tell him thanks for last night (I forgave him after a good sleep).  And I totally forgive him now and he made my life so much better.  I didn't just get a Tim!Hug.  I got a Tim!Kiss!On!The!Cheek.  *BEAM!* I don't have a fangirl-crush on him.  Not in the usual sense.  I have a fangirl-can-you-adopt-me thing.  Seriously, I want him as my big brother so I can cuddle on him.   I love that man.  I really, really do.

And he has a divine voice.

....NOT FUCKING DIVINE! STOP WITH THE GOD THING! AAAAAAAAAARGH!

Bloody unlikely.

Bad beginning, bad middle, fantabulous snippet of two hours, and then fucking bad.  Tim has never before been an ass.  But seriously, man, while I understand that you've got a friend come to see you... you've got fans.  People who aren't going to wait around an hour for you to chit chat.  And you don't go inside.  You take five minutes out to talk to people who want to thank you, and then go have a long, three hour drink with your buddy from Les Mis.

In other news... fucking hated today.  Seriously.  Just... bad all around, except when I gave an intelligent answer at the How To Apply To College session when no one else did.  *Eyeroll* Idiots.

Packed up a bunch of shit, still have a bunch of shit left to pack--music and books, mainly. So I'll have to stay up to deal with that.

Won't be around tomorrow.  Nederlander all day.

Got one Tim hug today, though--caught him before the show (five minutes before they opened the doors, the great oaf) and told him what a shit day I was having and he hugged me, and I hadn't expected to get lotto but then I did after I decided to destress with a trip to the theatre.  Glad I did.  Lovely show--my god that man is amazing, and Chris was fantastic.  And Troy was crying so hard at the start of I'll Cover You reprise.  Karmine was the soloist.  WTF, woman, how does you manage to be that old and that fantabulous?  Tamyra?  Eh, not bad.  Somewhere between Anthonique and Jaime.  Jaime's sexiness without sluttiness, Antonique's "You're an ass, Roger" attitude.  Told her so--also told her she made my day better, which made her really happy. She's a nice girl.

Also told Chris he helped make my day, and he was really really happy.  Still haven't caught Troy, slippery man.  Will tomorrow.

But fucking bad day, all around.  Even with a lovely show that... helped.  It isn't as sharp around the edges now.  And... my god, Tim.  And Chris too, more than usual, but Mark's not so much my thing, I guess--he's usually done too flatly.  See, it's a very specific thing that Tim's got that no one else has.  Some Rogers have nice voices--Adam when he's not being nasal, Norbie, from what I hear Joshua Kobak.  Dan Rosenbaum, although his voice is kinda... high for it.  Some are good actors, I'm assuming.  Some are neither.  Tim?  Not only has a divine incredibly gorgeous voice that is better than just about anyone who's been before him (NOT DIVINE GO THE FUCK AWAY), but he's a fantastic actor, and he does them at once.  And... in an incredibly heartbreaking way.  And quite frankly? No one does Angry!Roger like Tim does.  Just... wow.  (Shut the fuck up, you don't count.)

...Also, Kyle Post just needs to stop existing.  Seriously.

EDIT: Okay.  As I was writing this and an email I finally realized I've been caling Tim's voice "divine" all fucking day.  WTF.  Gorgeous, golden, glorious (lotsa g's), best voice in the world, yes.  Divine, no.  Whoever decided to put that little word in my head needs to A) stop with the god complex, B) stop sulking during every performance I go to that Mimi's too tall and not because she's Hispanic but because she's "just not that tall" without any sane reason given, C) stop making me close my eyes to picture other than the actual stage but listen.  To one person, really.  Seriously wtf.  Also, Tim keeps holding the last note.

Also, first-time see-er in the first row center, kept laughing at the littlest things, it was amusing.  And he really liked Niccolette.  Who was particularly funny tonight, as well.

...Also.  *Twitch* Tamyra ran her fingers along the vein in Tim's arm, facing away from the audience, at the end of I Should Tell You. Clearly tracing the vein, like... there was a scar there? When we know there isn't, 'cause it's Tim after all?  Yeah.  Um.  Spazz worthy.

Okay, even without the song being heartbreakingly beautiful, just hearing Tim's voice at this point makes me start sobbing.

Fuck.

Wish I had a midnight curfew tonight.  Don't.  May try Lotto tomorrow.

Why is his voice so damn pretty?

...Why, if I really had no friends and wanted this over with and wanted to move on to the writing... why do I still feel like this is somehow the end and feel like crying?

I hope Van Tramp has another CD at some point.  For my Timvoice.

God, he can sing.

Mental note to self: new header.

May make a mix of my favourite singers. Tim, Tony, Chris Thile, possibly Adam's CDs.  And Norbie's three songs, probably.

I'm gonna go cry for a while. And start packing up.

Only one comment.

If Adam Pascal sounds as horribly nasal as he does on the movie soundtrack recording? He's a far behind second place.  ...Or third, I'd need to listen to Norbie again.  Norbert does some really horrible "ay" sounds, which is what was annoying me about him earlier, but... my god.

Honestly, Adam, you can sing so nicely.  If you think that nasally thing is good? You need serious, serious thwapping.  And Tim Howar will be indubitably the best Roger ever.  Even if he gushed fangirlishly about meeting you.  Sorry.

Except not really.

...Also, WTF movie sound track.  Why do you all sound horrid and nasal in it?  Honestly.  You all used to be able to sing, and then it sounded like you couldn't.

...I think I still may like Tracie more than Merle, although they're pretty equal.  Honestly, as long as he's not Kyle, Mark could be almost anyone.  He has a bad tendency to be shown flatly.  And frankly Anthony Rapp's voice annoys the hell out of me sometimes.  Dunno which Mimi I prefer, Antonique or Rosario.  Like Idina better, and D'Monroe (sorry Taye).  And... really, the toss-up between Jesse and Troy depends on which recording it is and if Jesse was doing weirdly nasal things.  I'm... also not sure about the Wilson Jermaine Heredia vs. Justin thing--I never saw Wilson, and Justin's pretty damn kickass.  Either works, I guess--Andy Senor, while adorable, just doesn't have a high enough voice.  And... that's basically my Rent ramble brough about by comparing Happy New Year tracks.

But Adam? Much as I love your Roger except when you're being nasal... Tim still wins.  Sorry.  He's got more power behind his voice, for the most part, and his vowels are better.  And rounder.  And you can hear him without a mic, even.

Seeing Anthony and Adam will be cool.  But I dun wanna lose my Timthing.  I miss my hugs already.

... I'm done wasting time.

...Except to say that if Adam is that nasal, I'm going to fucking hate his Roger, pretty and the epitome of Roger physically though he may be.  Seriously.  If he's that bad, Anthony'll be worse--and they'll drive me nuts.  Just... eugh.

EDIT: Dear Hershey's Hugs: Stop being deformed and scary.