Okay. Van Tramp gets moved to "muses" next time I update my  links list--which may be soon, as I have found my orpheus (or Apollo? Maybe leave Tim as Orpheus, make my new hero Apollo. Or something. I need Cerveris on there too.

Okay. So I thought no one could match Tim. But Tim's voice, while AMAZING and GORGEOUS and about as perfect as a human voice can be, and while being pure sex while he sings, is just that--pure sex while he sings, and a perfect human voice.

There is, in fact, someone with an even more incredible voice in this world--because it IS NOT HUMAN. It CAN'T be human. Honestly, there is no way.

Nathan Gunn. Look him up. Look at his shirtless pics. LISTEN TO HIS VOICE SPEAKING IN THE INTERVIEW WITH STEPHEN COLBERT. HIS SPEAKING VOICE IS PURE, UNADULTERATED SEX IN THE WAY TIM'S IS, ONLY LOWER AND MORE POWERFUL.

And there are TRULY no words. Except to say that from his voice, he can CLEARLY headvoice a LOT and has a LOT more lower range than he uses mostly. As in, he has RIDICULOUS RANGE. I LOVE Tim so much, but the thing is? John has been reminding me of him, musically, 'cause Tim's a tenor-baritone really. There are tenor-baritones--just a LITTLE high for my taste--and there are bass-baritones--nice, but they can't hit high notes well.

And then... there is the true, perfect baritone. No one in the world should have that voice. And yet, he does. I'm not even kidding. My mother was incapacitated, even my FATHER was like "...That's... wow. My god."

Lexi says she prefer's Gerard Butler's speaking voice, but we both know it's only 'cause Butler has a Scottish accent. If Nathan Gunn had one...

....

Okay. If Nathan Gunn had one, A) I would have to STALK HIM AND GET HIM TO TALK AND READ MY WRITING SO I COULD HEAR HIS EVERY WORD, and B) ...I would honestly just... have a heart attack.  I've been having problems lately with just how high Tim's voice is, because I keep hearing this... far more resonant voice.  I mean, Jalen/Jon? Is a BASS. He can't sing high to save his life, and his speaking voice is like half an octave lower at LEAST than Nathan Gunn's. Which is the POINT.  Nathan Gunn. Has.  The. Perfect. Voice.

Literally, my parents haven't heard anything like it. I haven't. It is... it's... my GOD. GO WATCH THE INTERVIEW.  LISTEN TO HIS VOICE.

You will not find a more perfect baritone--resonant and clear, with the hint of golden high notes should he care to reach them, and a constant grounding beyond anything I've heard.  Just... my god.

It's not even pure sex, when he sings. It's BEYOND it.  It's what those hallucinatory, orgasmic religious experiences stupid people while on 'shrooms or something. WITHOUT THE DRUGS AND RELIGION. JUST PURE, MATHEMATICAL AND MUSICAL PERFECTION.

I... just...

guh.

I hope you realize I never use the word orgasm. I'm far too prudish. This time? (And possibly due to the time of night...) it DESERVES it. A thousand times over.

The man is a god.

And he's even pretty. ...He looks sorta like Adrian. *Blink* Except Adrian's lighter boned. ...He looks like... damn, I dunno who. Andren? He's beautiful. Maybe Iain Scott of Lise's stories on ANI (don't ask). Just...

Thank god he ISN'T Scottish. I literally would never have recovered. I'd be dead on the floor from an aneurism.

Nathan Gunn. Go look him up. DROOL.

Excuse me. *Goes to a song-filled heaven*

 EDIT: While we're at it, if anyone could tell me if the BPAL Yvaine scent is worth it, I'd like to know. 'Cause I might want to try to get my hands on some if it is. I have a dress that makes me think of it.

Done now.

So... I'm really depressed. Three possible reasons for this:

1) I actually took my meds for a couple days, and then didn't today. And as a result my nervous system got shot to hell.
2) I'm three days behind in my personal schedule and too tired to fix it.
3) I haven't dealt with my personal life that needs serious attention due to work. But... life always takes second place to working nowadays. Apparently.

But... a couple of songs just depressed me so much I started crying again. This is a bad sign.  Here's one.

 
Yeah. That. *Sighs* Also "The Freshman," but mostly the lines "For the life of me, I cannot remember/What made us think that we were wise and would never compromise/For the life of me I cannot believe we'd die for our sins/We were merely freshmen." Just... they sound like something he'd say, yeah?

Yeah.  Depressed me. Also, that on top of a pretty rendition a capella of My Immortal is enough to basically shatter my sanity. And cry.

I need something stupid and happy and unemotionally baggaged right now. Badly. ...Except music by nature is emotionally baggaged now.  Fuck it. *Curls up with lobsterplushie and listens to MIT a capella groups* 

EDIT:

This is another of them.


I have very predictable tastes. Obviously. 

EDIT: Continuing my predictable tastes...


I also like the guy singing this one. Niiice voice. Little accent, says chance "chahnce." Veeery nice. 

Final edit:

Upon yet another listen... I felt "The Freshman" deserved to be on here. Or maybe that was the voice in the back of my head singing along softly and rather sadly.

 

...Yeah. I always start crying during this song.

Really sorry for the spamming today, but I'm... having a breakdown and thus chattering.

But I have a brand new song for you all. *Giggles* I LOVE THEM.

*Bows* Not mine, but... a good fit for me, no? *Grin*

So... strange thing about my moods, lately, is that I can swing from one to the other with no warning, one minute to the next--and that I can be depressed about my grades and life and still be hyperactive high.  This is particularly true when my medicine keeps me from having an anxiety stress nervous breakdown.

But.

We did Fine Arts Awards today.

I... oh my GOD. I was pissed the alto section leader got an honorable mention for the concert choir.  She sucks. Doesn't show up half the time.  Choir president got award for that choir.  But... BUT. Tenor section leader--Tom, the boy who was a bitch to me but has been nicer lately--got the award for the top, a capella choir--and I got the honorable mention. Only non-section leader. *Beams* Didn't get any mentions for Jazz, which PISSED ME OF PARRISH I'VE DONE IT FOR FOUR YEARS AND I AM YOUR FUCKING PIANIST.

But.  BUT!

I GOT THE MUSIC DEPARTMENT AWARD. As in, for the whole music department.  For excellence and contribution to multiple musical disciplines. *BEAMS* I'm so happy.

MUSIC DEPARTMENT AWARD.

I... my god. I'm actually, like, leader in my school in music.

Just... eeeh. I'm so HAPPY.

Then I was like "Crap, I turned into JP!" Heh.  I love him. He's my cellist bass guy who went to Princeton.

Just... yey.

...By now, this afternoon, I'm very tired, hungry, bitter again, and just not up to this shit again. But... I'm still so happy!

Me.  Music award. From the fucking department. Because, apparently, I'm the best all-around musician at the school right now.

*SQUEEEEEEEEEEE*

So... concert. Bettis came; made my day. So did my Angel of English. And all my gps (who are amongst the living, of course).

So... LJ cuts, because ther. First is my gayboy singing "I Could Be in Love With Someone Like You," AKA, the precursor to "Shiksa Goddess," AKA "I love Irish Girls"  -- how I love him.

( I Could Be In Love With Someone Like You )

Link is here if you'd prefer (http://www.freewebs.com/leetrynace/Songs/I%20Could%20Be%20In%20Love.mp3). I love that boy, really. And the song. It makes me giiiiiggle.  Second... uh. Just listen and try not to hate.  Mozart. Voi Che Sapete. Cherubino's aria. Also the one Elizabeth Bennet sings an English version of in the '95 P&P. 

( Voi Che Sapete )


Link is here if you'd prefer (http://www.freewebs.com/leetrynace/Songs/Voi%20Che%20Sapete.mp3). ...'sgood? Please? Tell me?

*hiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiides* 

EDIT: Also, a boy sang this: http://www.onlylyrics.com/hits.php?grid=8&id=1008976.  On the one hand, it vaguely annoyed me, 'cause it made me think of Iraq and I hate that fucking war and the army should have never been sent there in the first place. But it... made me cry a little. And... well...

The whole "already home," and... and... things. *Sniffles and tries not to cry*

So... I realized yesterday how wonderful life can be, and oh my GOD, my father TALKED TO HIS DAD VOLUNTARILY.  *Sniff* Made me happy.

And then I had a nightmare all about not getting braces, having a really out of line tooth, and accidentally twisting it out.  Yes, I apparently have dental nightmares. It's not the first time it's happened either.

But then, after I'd bounced at people for a while, I also realized how... sad it was not to be able to share the best news of one's life with the people who matter most.  Because as odd as it is... only two of the seven or so people (not from school) who I've been close to/stayed close to were contactable yesterday.  Another I'll hopefully get to grab today, another I emailed.  But three are people I love so much, I'd have to deliver the news myself, there to see the reaction...

And I couldn't, for any of them.  It's really depressing.  And isolating.  And makes you feel lonely.

I wonder if the knowledge of how much I've done on my own is starting to help.  I don't know.  I still feel that strange little section, yes? That's all... tight and icky.  But it's easier to work through.  And I only think about it every five minutes, rather than only minute.

Oh. Right. Opera last night. I saw the plot twist coming the first time they mentioned the dead father.  Without having read abou the composer who's father killed himself. Yeah. Basically, famous actress and her two kids, the boy's gay, the daughter has a minor Electra complex and they idolize their father who was killed in a car accident. Actor who apparently never got anywhere.  Except really, he stepped in front of a subway train.  Apparently basically sat in his chair being drunk.  (Or high.) AKA, probably really fucking depressed.  And one day just... left, went to the subway, waited for the express, and... yeah.  And the mother was never around, although she apparently is still mourning their father in a way.  And the boy's partner apparently died in dec. 1995, and thinks about it Feb. 1996 (and so I was sitting there crying 'cause Larson had just died then).  And apparently someone, either their mom or dad, used to sing them this lullaby about the moon. ("The moon still watches above you, and Daddy is near.")

Result of this: I couldn't stop crying after we got home for an hour or two solid.  And now I have a headache.

The mezzo playing the mother was Frederica von Stade (apparently nicknamed "Flicka," that's so cute!) who is like... the MOST AMAZING SINGER IN THE WORLD I WORSHIP HER. Aaaaaah. Her Cherubino (from Figaro) is like... the pinnacle of existence.  And the BARITONE. *DIES* Such a cute guy, and his VOICE WAS INCREDIBLE. He WAS a baritone, and had all the low notes, but still all that nice lift.... admitted, he didn't have the gold around the edges, but that's Tim. But still. LOVELY. Aaaah.

(Yes. Somehow, I managed to figure out with NOTHING to go on, before even finding out it was a car accident, that the father of the show--who was an incredibly tangible presence despite never actually appearning--had killed himself. Either A) some things are too easy, B) actors are really all that depressed, or C) I have intuition.  Or possibly D) someone sitting in the back of my head crying through the whole performance. And blaming himself for EVERYTHING wrong in the world. Yeesh.)

Yesterday? Fue una dia extraordinario.  ...Or something like that. Did I really just accidentally switch into spanish in the middle of a thought?

I need help.

...It... hasn't quite sunk in yet, I think.  Not quite.  It will.  Thankfully, Tiff has Pippin and will doubtless get CFY, so I'll be able to rip a proper audio off of both of them later. I want to share the love that is my gayboy John thing.  He can almost act straight now!

But... my god.  Oh my god.

Eru help me.

I'm going to cry.  I'm, like, honestly going to break down sobbing soon.  Tomorrow. Or something. Hopefully I'll get my damned makeup off first.  I can't believe it.  It's over, and... and...

And it won't happen again.  And...  Gods, live theatre is fucking depressing.  Still... the mem'ry of all that... 

The way you changed my life... No, they can't take that away from me...

...No... they can't take that away... from... me... 

EDIT: See? *Sniff*

LJ-cut; be warned, there's an apple player underneath it.  It annoys my computer a little, so I thought I'd warn you..

My GODS I really wish I had a recording of Pippin right now... MUST ask Dhea about that tomorrow. Mustmustmust. I need the audio at least. I will die without it.

Will share the joy that is my John-thing tomorrow. I hugged him like every five minutes tonight. He was AMAZING. Also, his shirt literally was soaked through with sweat by the end. He's... he's AMAZING. Oh John.

Just... it's... the show went well, I've Got Rhythm was FANTASTIC. And... just... it was good.

And...

It's magic. It's honestly magic, what he does.  It's like nothing I can describe at this time of night and in my state of mind.

But it's magic.  And he steps on stage, and the world shifts, just a little, for just a little while.  And when he sings about loss... it makes me want to cry.

*Sighs* Mixed bag today. Most of the day was SHIT. I was nervous, hysterical, crying, having fits, nauseous, dizzy... the whole nine-yards.  Proper breakdown. I couldn't even eat lunch or dinner. I nearly  threw up. I managed to eat at Senior Tea, though--a few grapes, a slice of orange, a mini hamburger, a cookie, and pringles (yey!), so... that was a little better.  ...I think I may have a bagel now, in fact.  Anyway. I forgot to mention that... yesterday? Day before? I had a horrible moment when I saw this boy by the track and my first thought was "...JARED?!" It took me a moment to realize it wasn't him.  And then I wanted to cry. *Sighs* I didn't know him that well. But... my god. I miss that boy. Also, I REALLY need to write and I haven't and I feel like shit about it. And I need to prepare for an essay in-class tomorrow in English, and start reading Nietzche for a paper on him for... next Friday, I think. I can't have it before then. And I failed a math quiz COMPLETELY, can't understand physics anymore and DO NOT CARE, and got a few things I'm not sure I wanted.

But anyway. Day was shit.  Rehearsal kinda made up for it all.  (So did talking to my Heather-dearling, and getting in touch with Tessa about break.) First of all? My gayboy starboy who's playing the lead is actually almost able to act now! He actually almost appears STRAIGHT sometimes! It's amazing! Also... my god. Just... watching him gives me chills all down my spine. I don't think it'll translate well to film--he's not that good yet, so the judges will have to base it more off of the live performance--but oh my GOD.  Just... watching him move, hearing him sing... he OWNS that stage when he steps onto it, he even sounds good when pretending to be hungover, and he starts to sing and you're sharing Bobby's thoughts, and he starts to dance and you're dancing with him to avoid the problems of the world, and he runs a rehearsal in the show and shows the townfolk in it how to have rhythm and music--and when he does, he's showing you, and you get it.  You come out with just a little more music and life inside than you had before.  He did it last year, to a lesser extent, and in cameo two years ago.  But... oh my hope of the Havens.  It's... okay, been reading Valdemar, and part of me wants to say it's Bardic, but it isn't.  It's magic.  It's magic of hand and body and voice and song, and you drown in it and beg for more.  At least, I feel that way.

And when he sings his goodbye to the love of his life, on the basis that he's sure she doesn't love him... I have to remind myself that crying with mascara on is a singularly bad idea.

It's amazing, though.  I almost wish I could see it from the audience.  Could feel the focus of that magic of his. *Sighs* Ah well. Maybe helping to make it is better. ... *Faint smile* He has magic to do... That was his song last year, and it's still more true than words can say. I wish I'd gotten an audio recording of that.  I'll have to see if I can find the video of it lying around somewhere... And grab an audio of this SOMEHOW...

Anyway.  The other reason it was a good rehearsal is that... I realized I've been randomly getting a LOT of compliments lately. On my hair, which admittedly is not so surprising, if I may be that vain.  I have good hair. But also... people have been complimenting my makeup--which isn't really to ME but to the nice girls who do me up--but... they think I look good. Look... pretty.  And apparently gold is a good color for me around my eyes. It's eerie. Me, looking... good?  Oh, and I get to sing tenor on this one song, and I go down like to the bottom of tenor range and the bottom of mine and it is SO COOL 'CAUSE IT IS A LEGITIMATE BASS NOTE AND I ROCK.

And... uh.  *Giggles* I'm sure there were other things, but two incidents made my day.  Three, really, if you count the fact that my crew director had black steel-toed Doc Martens and it makes me laaaaaugh... But the actually incidents.  First, one of the crew girls didn't have black shoes, and she's running crew, so she had to gaff tape her shoes.  And she was going to do just the one side that shows when she crosses.  And, naturally, she managed to do EXACTLY the wrong side. *Snicker* On BOTH feet. It was minorly hilarious. The poor girl was almost as breaky as I was, and so nearly burst into tears, but we all hugged her and it ended up just being the most ridiculously funny thing ever.  But by far the best thing was that I was sitting with the shoes-girl (Allison), the girl born two and a half hours after I was (and who is a second alto with me in choir and sits next to me apparently shares father troubles with me as well... and who STILL OWES ME MUSIC I must hijack her about that, that's Emily, or rather Emily K), and Caitlin, the girl who's in my homeroom and who... I somehow manged to not realize is lesbian until, like, last month. (This totally explains her occasional uncomfortableness around me, as I can appear really bloody lesbian when I'm... so very much not. Oh, boys, I love you... except when you're stupid, which is all the time, so nyeh.)  And so we're laughing and chatting, and Caitlin's also on running crew and so is in all black, hardy pants and a shirt and polo over it and she looks really nice actually, she's a great girl. And she's leaning against the wall. And the Props manager as well as a running crew person, Emily W--we're all seniors--comes over, also in her blacks--as, in fact, both Allison and Emily K are, as they're also crew.  And cues a classic exchange.

Emily W: Is this a really lesbian outfit?
Allison: No, it... oh wait...
Emily K: *Simultaneously with Allison* We're ALL wearing it!
Caitlin: *Facepalms as the other two crack up** Come on, we need to have a little talk... *Drags Emily W for a private chat*
Me: *Laughing my head off*
Allison: *Sheepish* I was going to say "No, of course not, Caitlin's wearing it," and then I was like "Oh, wait..."
Emily K and me: *Cackling*
Emily W and Caitlin: *Having an earnest discussion in the sound lock right outside the scene shop*

*Snickers* Oh, a life in the theatre. It saved my day from being a total disaster.  But now mom won't be here in the morning, 'cause she missed her flight home from the viewing of her dead cousin who died really painfully of cancer. *Sighs* Bah.

I need to go wash my makeup off now.
 
EDIT: I want to add that gayboy star was among the ones who was like "Wow, you look really nice!" I think he was the one with the hair. *Beams* I luff him.

Song lyrics. From Act II of Crazy for You, sung by the male lead, a wannabe dancer/performer from New York.

That song always depresses me. And makes me feel vaguely guilty.  And sad.

*Sighs*  And the poor boy tries so hard, in that show. Is an ass and an idiot, but he tries.