This is why Trojie and I could never design a video game. It Would Be Disastrous for all non musical instrument geeks.

Also, I have my lilacs.

http://agenttrojie.livejournal.com/19409.html?#cutid1

Marvel at our insanity. 

*Sighs*

My problem is that... I just... I get moody for no reason.  I get upset about things I shouldn't get upset about.  It's like Empathy, except a long ways away and sometimes for nonexistant worlds. It's why I get horribly, overly flaily over people.  I can't deal with it, and I get so scared.  I can't think of losing people anymore. Even though I have.

My mom's cousin died today.  Horrible death. I don't want to go into the details. Suffice to say it was cancer, far advanced.

And Tawaki killed MT off in her last mission. *Sighs* I'll miss him. I want to cry now.

And the fucking play is shit, and UMass Amherst is being a bunch of bloody stupid buggers, and I haven't written, and I NEED to, and I have a new 'verse basically centered around one wistful image that I can't get rid of no matter how much it makes me cry.

And I don't know where home is anymore. I want to go there, wherever it is.  It's gotta just be hormones.

It still hurts.

I miss having someone... *Sighs* Someone to watch over me. Used to.  Don't.

That's really why I want to go away to college. I need to get away.  Deal with everything that's happened since high school--or middle school, or since I went to school, or since I moved here, or since I had to breathe this horrible, polluted air that I still wouldn't give up for anything (unless it was a better life somewhere unpolluted and preferably with magic).  Funny, I had this internal argument once.  Remember it and remember the joy, or forget it and forget the pain? ...I'll leave the result of that up to those who realize what I mean.  You probably don't. Maybe 'cause I'm technically mildly indecisive about it.

But not completely.

I fucking hate hate hate hate hate hormones. I also hate LJ for eating my hilarious meme from yesterday. *Snickercackledie* I will recreate it later.

But... all I have to say is this. I'm chatting quietly with the Doc, and the bell goes off. About twice as loud usual. Me: *Blinks* "Oh my god." *Proceeds to tell Doc that there's this satirical site, and a story about two girls who when they get an assignment, their console beeps.* "That? Is the sound of the console."

Literally. My bell today WAS the BEEEEP! of doom.  *Facepalm*

...Geezes

"What takes more power, making someone subordinate or making someone want to be subordinate?" "Which is worth more, slavery or slavery with a smile?"

Oh my dear god in heaven. ...*Growls* NO. Stop that.

Also, have a choir trip, won't be around.

AAAAAAAAAAAAH.

Okay, LG, I know you're not fond of paints.  So I'm sorry to spend this post squeeing over one. Although I have to say, I always did like mustangs. But that's probably because I think that's what one of the first horses I rode was. *Cuddles good ol' Apache and Maggie* He was so fast...  So was she (Maggie), but she was more fun than just fast. He was evil-minded and fast.  He scared me once by going into a gallop when he totally wasn't supposed to, and I was too ickle to handle... Nice, dappled grey mustang... Okay, done.

Anyway. OHMIGOD, HIDALGO. HIDALGO, HIDALGO, HIDALGO. SO FREAKING GOOD. AAAAH I LOVE THAT MOVIE. Okay, so it's not actually a fine piece of film.  There is a translation of this:

AAAAAAAAAAAAAAHILOVEVIGGOMORTENSEN.

I need Anti-Lustin. Badly. Badlybadlybadly. I want to glomp Frank Hopkins As Played By Viggo.  He's so... so NOBLE. AAAH.

....Excuse me. *Changes discs*

....................

........................................................................

...

ARAGORN!

This message has been interrupted, as it has degenerated into incoherency.  We will return once Lee has finished with her regression into Fangirlitis. Sincerely, Agents Lucien, Kaden, and Kitty of the PPC--as Agent Robin is too busing bruising her head WITH Lee, albeit in a much louder way. 

HEHASASWORDANDFIREAND--

Sorry.  We have rope now. Carry on.

 Well. Made some half decent rough recordings tonight:  Voi Che Sapete (I loves my Italian!), No One Is Alone (I loves my Sondheim!), and Into the West speshulified (I loves my PPC!).  I didn't sound half bad, oddly.

And I've decided I REALLY need audacity. If I had it, I wouldn't need the karaoke. I'm good enough a capella that I could manage it... *Evil Plans, yes, my precious...*

And that's about it.

Except that I'm failing at life.

And I hate a certain cantor...

*Throws self rather dramatically onto a chair. Lydia-esque*

Okay, so staying up late for PPC scouting may be a bad idea. Ooopsies.

Kaden may like DoGA. Will keep it in mind. Robin and Lucien in DMS. Robin hates canon inaccuracies and all non-canon pairings and crossovers, Lucien just has bloodlust of the highest order when it comes to 'Sues.

Anyway... I'd forgotten how much I love that board. *Sighs* Nice people, fun people, and crazy talk. Ah, the joys of PPCing.  Anyway, I found some horrific fic. Discworld section. I mean... come on. AU can only go so far. CARROT WOULD NEVER KILL ANGUA JUST FOR LEAVING HIM YOU IDIOTS. Yes, he would if she lost it and got all evil killer-ish like Wolfgang. He promised he would.  But... Just because she can't handle it and has to leave? NO. NO NO NO NO NO.

Also, Susan is not an angsting wet noodle, and Death doesn't want anyone looking after him in his old age. He doesn't have an old age. Stoopids.

Anyway. Off to go investigate possibly joining a choir for a Handel performance. *Booooouncies!*

*Sigh* See, this is why me + LJ rps don't work often, though I'm trying to stick with it this time: I'm just not... forward, y'know? I don't handle those huge chat-things, and what happens is that then I get into small threads which get abandoned and shuffle around not knowing what to do.

But hopefully I'll have two other places to vent that soon. Hopefully. Well, at least one. I need to see about helping Bulla out with her adding for Sonora.

*Sigh* Melancholy again today.

Sang "Fine, Fine Line" and thought about PPCing. My agents. How one of 'em hates Mary Sues. And why. Poor thing.

I'm gonna make 'em more quirky. And go hang out on the board, I think.  Mum's home today, rehearsal tomorrow and P&P WHOOT.

...Gotta get back to the PPC now.  'Kay.

Uhm. I'm vaguely incoherent.  Ugh.

I continue in my observation that I tend to be right about things.  Just... things in general.  Not least that even my EiC, who is organizing the stupid "workshops" AKA lessons for people who don't know how to write thinks I should be organizing proper workshops.  Y'know, for critique.

I need to write.  Fuck it.

In other news, I have THREE adults who all want to see links to PPC and OFUM.

*Sigh* So.  I shouldn't really have any homework tonight... which is a very very very good thing.  So I may try to beat that effing Fire Temple in Zelda tonight and/or actually... y'know, write.  Urgh.

And every moment my brand new Marquis gets more and more tempting.  Hmm... slender, apparently a dandy, very chilly and aloof, black hair... maybe blue eyes? No, not blue.  Hmm.  I'd do grey (which almost works with the nobility thing), but I am for some reason leery of it.

And his nice little wife will have blue eyes, light brown hair that refuses to curl no matter what she tries to do with it, very minor freckles if she's out too long, exactly no athleticism and if she's not plump she's certainly not, y'know, stick-skinny (just this side of not being slender).

...I wanna play with arranged marriages.  *Sulk*

I also want a new cover for my earphones so I can bring my iPod to school again.

...Y'know, I don't know how I can be so... overly emotional and generally unable to manage things and have my heart on my sleeve and STILL be strong enough to handle things I shouldn't/direct people at times.

Maybe I'll just sleep tonight

EDIT: There are rumors that Jon's paying for his writers' salaries during the strike. It's unconfirmed, but he might be making sure they don't suffer financially for it. *Beams* Go Jon.  Also, the TDS alumni are being AMAZING.  Ed Helms was participating in the strike and Steve Carell--who, y'know, sorta stars in "The Office" and as such is really necessary...--is refusing to cross the picket line. *BEAMS*  Go guys. Really.

I mentioned and remarked, if my memories and rememberance serve me, that I (meaning myself) and my English teacher (meaning he who theoretically instructs me in the workings of English literature) crafted and created a memorandum or note from the Department of Redundancy Department.  I now present and display my improved and enhanced version of it for your viewing and reading pleasure and enjoyment.
 

Too little and then too much sleep, anger at the world and people and a bad quiz in particular, and lots of free time and energy resulted in this.  It's my first PPCing.  Meet Agent Robin Thorne, who is still something of a recruit, and sent off on a nice, easy first mission.  She wants Plenor Feilds to take home now, though.  ...Or an Aragorn mini.  Or in lieu of one of those, a Boromir one.  But that's her inner fangirl.  Plenor Feilds has her cuddling attention, for some reason.  This is posted here until I get an RC webpage up for my agents.

Enjoy! Or something...